The SHIELD Files
by Lori- Mischief's Brat
Summary: A series of "experiments" involving Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and the god of Lies. Accepting requests! Special thanks to my Co-Author Journal Sketch for helping me with many of these!
1. Chapter 1

**The SHEILD Files**

**Or what happens when you put the Avengers and Loki, who I'm counting as an avenger, because it takes too long to type "the avengers and Loki", in the same room. **

#1: Monopoly

Bruce was "Hulking out" after the first half-hour, Thor just did not understand the rules, Stark somehow was using a mini Iron Man suit as a game peics, and the two assasians just had to be removed before they improved their reputations. We have no clue who won, because the board, pieces, dice and money were obliterated and any remains scattered around Avengers tower. Last count, Loki was winning, but Stark had Park Placer and Boardwalk. The last thing before ultimate destruction was some kind of bet between them. We're still finding hotels.

Note: Scrap the plans for Risk.

#2: Watch the Avengers movie.

Nothing horrible happened. It went well. (Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?) But after the credits stopped, Barton had to point out the obvious, "How did they film that without us noticeing?"

Note: Agents of SHIELD marathon is okay to proceed as planned.

#3: Frozen?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NEVER AGAIN! Cap took one look at the title and left, muttering darkly to himself. Estranged sibling with magic powers? Thor managed to destroy 3 TV's during "Do you want to build a Snowman?". Both parents die? Hawkeye left, but then came back with popcorn. Natasha related too well with the line, "conceal, don't feel, put on a show…" Banner could not leave fast enough once "Let it Go" started playing. So now Clint and Tony are still watching. When Olaf waddled onscreen, Barton joked with Stark, "Hey look, it's you!" Unfazed, the billionaire just responded with, "Yeah, but with the suit, I'd probably be a huge monster mutant killer deranged snow goon." Too bad Marshmallow was created out of pure fear. Tony paled visibly, and left. But the archer was completely fine until the younger sibling "died." Frozen is now banned from Avengers tower. No one told Loki why though, so he decided to watch it by himself. We now owe Stark 5 TV's. Although, he won't stop singing "Let it Go", and we may have to do something about that..soon. Before the Avengers assemble and kill him this time.


	2. Chapter 2

#4: The Hunger Games

First catastrophe: having to explain to Thor that this was fiction, no where were people forced to do this. Eventually, we had to look up a list of all the countries in the world, and point out that Panem wasn't on it. Captain America was fuming, shouting at the top of his lungs, "Will someone please bring justice back to America already?" Banner's just sleeping through the movie, and refuses to read the book.

Loki and Stark are placing cash bets on the victor, of course, they promised not to read ahead. Clint and Natasha just want Katniss and Peeta to win the dang thing already. Fury is confused. Phil is amused.

Oh, and Loki won the bet. He noticed that Katniss was narrating past tense…

#5: Taching Loki chess was a bad idea. Also informing him about the first of April. Worst. Mistake. EVER!

#6: The Avengers in Divergent (thank you Journal Sketch!)

Stark and Banner remained Erudite, being men of learning, plus Tony helps Bruce conceal his flip side, lest he be killed. Hawkeye and Black Widow remain Dauntless, of course. Rogers joins Dauntless as well, despite being Abnegation originally.

Loki practically flew to Erudite, knowledge is power after all, and honestly? We all knew there was not a chance of him in Candor. This leaves Thor in a bit of a mess. He's torn for an eternity between being the loyal one and remaining in Amity, or making his own path in Dauntless. But eventually, he decides on Abnegation, because if New Mexico taught him anything, it was humility, and the knowledge that there are things worth dying for.

But they were all Divergent.

#7: Minecraft

It was boring…until Stark started building an exact replica of Avengers Tower, having nothing else to do. Poor Steve couldn't figure out how to work the controls. Natasha is exploring the caves, and Barton is still, incredibly, 100% accurate with a bow. Loki, after failing to discover every possible enchantment, built a fort in an unsuccessful attempt to start a snowball war. Bruce is still reading that book…

By this time it was "night", and everyone but the two demi-gods were "asleep". Being on laptops, no one could see what anyone else was doing, but roughly 20 min. later, Thor shouted, "I must exact my revenge on this zombie and all of his kind!" This was followed by, "The night holds no fear for a son of Odin!"

Loki signed off and silently left, with a strange look on his face, like when someone's trying not to smile, if you know what I'm talking about.

Tony had to remind himself that murder meant life in prison. Loki had built a beacon on top of his tower, which led to a nether portal somehow suspended in mid-air.


	3. Chapter 3

#8: Star Wars original Trilogy

4: A New Hope

Everyone cheered as the Death Star exploded, although Banner rather ruined the moment by shouting: "There is no sound in space!" We think Loki is starting to get some strange ideas about the Force, and we've caught Stark attempting to build a lightsaber.

5: Empire Strikes Back

After the "I love you, I know" scene, Barton and Natasha carefully avoided eye contact, while trying to make it look like they weren't avoiding eye contact. It was horribly obvious. After Luke jumped into the vent, Loki started laughing. No one could figure out why, until he said, "Fall to an almost certain death in space after rejecting both family and safety? Been there, done that, 10 times cooler!" No one said anything for about five minutes. What do you say to that?

6: Return of the Jedi

This was by far the best movie choice as of now. The only, and I do mean only, problem is that Thor is inquiring about Sith Lightning to anyone who'll listen. We should probably explain that no, his hammer cannot do that, and yes, that is a good thing.

#9: Minecraft: Survival Games

Well, Bruce found a floating island. He left immediately, shouting, "The physics! The physics!" Poor Rogers still can't get the controls to work, so he's just standing there, trying not to kill his own character.

Stark had hacked to enable flying/invincibility, and it worked, but they disqualified him for cheating. Hawkeye found a bow, but no arrows.

Loki led Thor into a way too complicated (if you have time for this, can't you do something productive?) trap. He was then shot in the face with an explosive…carrot. He didn't catch this one.

Clint and Black Widow had a mutually destructive battle, killing each other at the exact same moment. Romanoff was shocked at this. "But…then…who won?"

All eyes turned to Steve. "I can't help it if I'm tech savvy," he said, and calmly left, leaving everyone else in shock that they lost a video game to a capsicle.

#10: They all enjoy Mythbusters.


	4. Chapter 4

#11 Banner once reprogrammed JARVIS to play "Bill Nye the Science Guy" anytime Tony walked into a room. Everyone thought this was funny, so JARVIS will still do it, at random.

#12: Dr. Who

"The Empty Child" sent Steve into a bad mental flashback of "the bad old days," so he just left. Thor is absolutely determined to save Galifrey from its destruction, no matter the cost. Stark and Banner are trying to figure out how the T.A.R.D.I.S. works, and have begun drawing blueprints. Natasha wants the doctor's companions to be more self-reliant and not just damsels in distress. Clint is slightly, just a little, scared to death of weeping angels. The Hulk smashed several screens when Rose's dad was hit by a car and killed. All Loki can think about is how the Daleks would make a perfect army if he ever tried to conquer the world again.

Thank you Journal Sketch!

#13 As a joke, Stark bought Thor the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. To everyone's surprise, he actually liked it.

#14: Let it Go

Loki wouldn't stop singing, and so they all decided to write their own parody. They tacked a piece of paper to a wall, and each wrote some of it. Then Nick Fury and Phil Coulson wrote a couple lines too. This was the result:

The aliens roam the city tonight, not a survivor to be seen.

A group made out of some misfits, and it looks like, they're a team.

The battle's raging like this conflict that's inside,

Couldn't stop him then, Fury knows I tried.

Don't let them live, don't let them fight, be the hero you always have to be

Destroy them all, or be destroyed,

Won't be destroyed!

Fight them all, fight them all, can't keep the Hulk back anymore!

Fight them all! Fight them all! Their army is such a bore!

We won't stop till they're blown away

Let the Hulk smash on, aliens never live long anyway.

(Loki took like 5 minutes, but nobody changed this part at all)

It's funny how some power, makes all of you seem small.

And the lies that once constrained me just seem to push me on!

I want to rule, to be a king, give truth to lies I've grown up with!

No right or wrong, it's the same to me,

I'll be king!

Conquer all! Conquer all! I will rule the vast universe!

Conquer all, conquer all, Why'm I singing in this verse?

Here I stand! And they will kneel! Let the Hulk smash on…

(The Avengers came back)

Loki, dear brother, just stop all this madness now… (Is it? Is it madness?)

I don't think he's gonna listen to you anymore…

This is not at all what I signed up to do…

How bout you just suit up?

We could use worse right now…..

Fight them all! Fight them all! Till there's no more enemies!

Fight them all! Fight them all! We do this as a team!

Here we stand! Victorious…..Let the Hulk smash on!

(Loki got the last word in)

The cold never bothered me anyway….


	5. Chapter 5

#16: I-Pods. I am taking requests/suggestions for this one. But for now we have:

Captain America: Titanium, Never Surrender, Lovers in Japan

Stark: I am Iron Man, I'm Sexy and I know it, The Lazy Song (clean version)

Thor: Lullaby for a Princess, You'll be in my Heart, (from Tarzan) Superman (Taylor Swift)

Black Widow: Secrets, Roar, I Won't say I'm in Love

Barton is actually 80% deaf, so….yeah.

Bruce: Wrecking Ball, Monster, Demons, The Devil Within, Anthropology, and surprisingly, Let it Go

Loki: Disturbia, Viva la Vida, How Soon is Now, I'm Alive, Shattered.

(P.M. me if you have suggestions for them, because let's face it, 5 or six songs is not enough!)

#17: Clue (WARNING: EPIC SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE CLUE! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!)

Good movie, really. It's the only movie where you laugh and scream at the same time. After the first ending, Tony went for the pool they had going on who the killer was. He disappointedly sat back down when he saw what was on screen. Loki did the same thing after the second "ending." Then after what really happened, Banner was just slowly counting the cash. (If you watch the movie, you'll get it.)

Barton was flipping out. Something about, "How do you miss from that close?! I don't care if the lights were out, you had six bullets!" Miss Scarlet's spiel about "red herrings" was incredibly disturbing to Captain Rogers, and Thor, well, ummmm….It wasn't so funny. For the next few weeks, he was paranoid about "monkey brains".

#18: Playing Clue

We had to explain that the results wouldn't be the same as in the movie. When it turned out to be Professor Plum, in the hall, with the revolver, we decided that never again would this be spoken of.

#19: My Little Pony (all credit to Journal Sketch)

Oh Geez, we don't even know who chose this show. Anyways….

ON the very first episode, there were several "coincidental" power outages and blizzards (thanks to Thor and Loki) at the end of "Friendship is Magic Part 2" when Princess Celestia and her sister, Princess Luna, are reunited.

Stark was counting the times "anypony" was completely oblivious to the problem they were facing, and making bets with Banner. Bruce was completely fine, until the episode "Boast Busters" when Rarity said that "Green is such an ugly color!" We eventually calmed him down, until the episode "Power Ponies" when they make Fluttershy a reference to the Hulk.

Romanoff and Barton are ticked that they always use things like "friendship" and not actual weapons, so they're writing their own version.

Meanwhile, Steve Rogers is extremely confused, and asking questions like, "Why don't they have parents? Where are all the guys? Why are these horses multicolored? If it's "My" Little Pony, who do they belong to?" And so on.

Overall, whoever chose to do this better watch their back…

*Later*

Well, it turns out Nick Fury is secretly a brony and I have 30 sec. to destroy this document….

Recorded by Phil Coulson, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., Clearance Level 7


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! Sorry for the short chapter, but this is all I've written! I'm open to suggestions though, so if you want more just ask! - Lori

#20: The Fault in our Stars.

I feel like we're single-handedly keeping Kleenex in business right now. Who knew that Black Widow was even physically able to cry? But they all are, wait, wait WHAT IS THIS? Turns out Loki was laughing to the point of tears, something about, "Finally! A real ending!" So the Avengers assembled and beat the, wait am I allowed to say that?, out of him. No one tried to stop them. He kind of deserved it.

#21: High School Musical

Well, Thor had just finished Romeo and Juliet, so name wise, he was very confused. We assumed he knew, like everyone else, that HSM was an updated West Side Story, which was an updated Romeo and Juliet. And in an attempt to educate them on the "classics", Rogers had gotten everyone to read Cyrano de Bergerac. We aren't going to watch Megamind anytime soon.

No kidding, that was what happened when I first watched Megamind, we'd just finished Cyrano in Language Arts, they even named the girl Roxanne! – Lori

That's all for now, but I may be back…


End file.
